I am the primary caretaker of two small children and have a part-time job. End of story.
Seriously, though, here’s what happened. I woke up with a great idea for a blog post – I needed my computer!
But my three-year-old walked in buried under five stuffed animals and refusing to pee.
The laws of physics state if that she doesn’t pee now, she’ll go in her pjs later, so I pulled out all the tricks convincing her to pee.
Then my six-year-old came in and he had a story to tell me and it was approximately eight thousand words long.
I tried to listen while also keeping the blog post in my mind, but it was running away at top speed. I don’t blame it.
Soon I was trying to get kids to tell me what they would actually eat for breakfast while emptying the dishwasher and sending a text about a playdate to a friend.
If I could just get them eating at the same time and wolf down my breakfast, I could at least jot a few notes down about my post. Fingers crossed, I pressed ahead.
No dice, it was time to rush one to getting dressed and clean cereal up off the floor.
I filed a mental note that we should get a dog or Roomba to pick up this crap, which is a thought I have daily. By then, Child 2 had soaked her clothes in milk from her bowl of cereal since she insists on only eating the milk minus the cereal, resulting in a milk waterfall.
I hurried her upstairs to change and made sure Child 1 was getting dressed (he wasn’t, he was building legos).
Time to get Child 1 to school.
He had his snack, lunch, homework folder, school library books to return, a signed form, and a partridge in a pear tree. He was ready! Out the door he went.
Child 2 was sitting in her room in her underwear pulling every toy out of every bin in her room.
I got her on track and started trying to make myself presentable.
Soon we were out the door to preschool drop-off after I got her snack and bag ready while arguing that she couldn’t wear sandals since it was 40 degrees out.
A meltdown later, we were racing down the road.
Both kids were now under the care of others and for 2.5 hours, I was free! I could feel the “mommy in charge thoughts” drifting away and I started to write the post in my head. Yes, I could still remember what I wanted to say!
But then the warning voice boomed in: You Need To Do All The Things!
You need to bring food to a group tomorrow! And what about dinner tonight? Child 1 has a piano lesson so dinner has to be something quick. And we’re out of milk and grapes, staples in our house. You need to swing by the grocery store. Two loads of laundry need to be done and you need to work on a schedule for work.
2.5 hours of getting things done later, I was rushing to preschool pickup, five minutes late per usual.
Then home to feed Child 2, a load of laundry put away and running to pick up Child 1 from school. Literally running so I wouldn’t be late. Olympic sprinters have nothing on a mom late for pickup.
After throwing snacks at my two ravenous children, they went into their rooms for an hour of quiet time. Ahhhhhh, I could finally start my post! Wait, Child 2 needs her butt wiped and I need to do the dishes – nooooooo!
Quiet time passed in a millisecond, then we were off to piano practice.
Once home, I sent the kids outside while I rushed dinner to the table. My kids turn into sloths at dinner time, so it stretched to eternity as I tried to get them to eat at least something good for them. I read a chapter of an adventure book out loud as they finally finished and inhaled any dessert within reach.
“Quick,” I shouted, “see if we can clean up the toys in less than twenty minutes!”
This is a mommy hack I have learned and it works. Kids like competition and a timer app with a cute picture works every time.
You can guess the rest, toothpaste in hair, distracting each other with monster noises, acting out superhero stories, books, songs and prayers later, they were in bed. Winning!
NOW, I wrote the post, right?
I wish I could say yes, but nope. After cleaning up most of the dinner dishes and sending a few e-mails, I sat down to one Netflix show and put my feet up. Can you blame me? I was asleep on the couch before it ended.
And that, my friends, is why I didn’t write that blog post today.