Elf on the shelf, I kinda hate you


Elf on the shelf, I kinda hate you.

You were not invited into my home, but you’ve tried to bust your way in like an uninvited party guest. Frankly, I don’t appreciate it. Long before I had kids I thought you were a really dumb idea. I thought those who invited you into their homes brought on more work for themselves. Don’t these people have enough on their plates? At best, you were a way for parents to have fun, but maybe they needed to get a life apart from their kids? I vowed I would never get one you for my someday kids, and now I have kids, and the unthinkable happened.

My oldest daughter came home from school talking about

elves and all the rules associated with them. The thoughts begin swirling in my head. Who brought up this conversation of elves at school? If this was her teacher, she is now on my naughty list, and she might not get a Christmas gift after all. I tried to calm down and listen to what my little girl was saying, but I could see it in my husband’s eyes. We were panic-stricken. We were both terrified. (Elf on the Shelf, I kinda hate you.) 

Did our daughter think you were in our house?

What were we supposed to do if she did? I vowed that I would never buy an Elf on the Shelf. My husband knew of this vow, and he had taken it himself. We were in complete agreement, you, little devil, would never cross our threshold.

So what were we going to do?

First, we had to calm down and get some answers. We asked her to tell us more. She told us how kids couldn’t touch you (yup, clear rules we’d heard before). Then she told us how you watched them and would go tell Santa if they were naughty (yup, more of the familiar rules). She added that you move around and in our houses sometimes (yup, there’s that added work for parents we’d heard about). Then she added the final point, if you’re touched, Santa won’t bring the guilty child Christmas presents. The conversation hit its critical point when she asked if there was an elf in our house.

Elf on the Shelf ropes course

Ugh! We are busted.

We told her we weren’t sure, but from what we’ve heard, elves like to hide. We added that it’s best to not look for them, because if found it might ruin the magic. We added that you’re not supposed to talk to elves, as you’ve probably gotten too close. We knew that we needed to keep her as far away from you as possible.

I think we’ve come out unscathed, but…

some of my friends aren’t convinced. They firmly believe this isn’t the last conversation about you in our house. If we’re realistic, it’s still early in December. A LOT could happen between now and December 25th.

Now, I know! Many parents and kids LOVE you!

You make Christmas so magical.
You keep kids behaving.
You allow parents to show off their creativity.

But I have questions…

Shouldn’t kids behave all year long?
What motivates children when it’s not Christmas? (Please don’t tell me you have some magical cupid, leprechaun, bunny, you name it friends that show up throughout the year).
What happens if you don’t move?
Don’t parents have better things to do once the kids go to bed?
Why do you bring this extra work on already tired/stressed/overworked parents?

I’m determined you will not enter my house.

Can I make it through Christmas unscathed with a five-year-old? I’m not so sure, but I’m not going down without a fight.