Stop asking me if I am okay.
Why do people do this? I used to be a therapist and one of the first things that they teach you is to not ask someone if they are “okay” or “How are you doing?”. The assumption being that if someone is coming to see a therapist there is a reason and they need help because their life is not okay. As a friend, I can tell if my friends or family members are struggling. You can too, so asking someone if they are “okay” or saying “you look tired” is like saying “you look horrible and I can tell”. Thanks…super helpful and just what I needed. I leave these situations either wondering what I can do to put on a better face or just frustrated by the amount of stuff still on my plate.
Normally, someone who is trying to keep it all together is going to lie to you anyway
when you ask them if they are okay because they do not want to get into it. I know when I am super driven and focused, I am not the friendliest person around resulting in people asking me if I am “okay”. I am not going to explain to you the 20 reasons why I am not paying attention to this conversation and why I wish you would just disappear so I can get back to saving the world. Even if they need something, they do not need to explain to you the circumstances, they just need something done for them.
Let’s try something, next time you are tempted to ask “are you okay?”, ask instead
“would it be helpful if I came back later?” or “is there something I can take off your plate?”
This is so much better than me pretending like I am not freaking out about the list of stuff I am responsible for and helps me not feel like I am failing at all of the things.
For any of my friends reading this, do not take this personally. In fact it is not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings it is just meant to let you know YES I am more than okay. I am running a family, 5 businesses (one of which is new RVA startup coworking space with onsite childcare so that ALL parents like me can find their balance!), being an amazing wife, and EXTREMELY focused on things that are making me incredibly happy and fulfilled. None of those things though happen to be explaining to you that I am okay and trying to prove to you that I am not feeling as overwhelmed as I look but what is going to help with that is you allowing me to get what I need to get done, help me with what I cannot complete, and cheer me on all along the way! now, let’s go save the world!
P.S. Manicures and Massages welcomed too!