“Wow! You did such a great job on this party, well the place you paid to host it did I guess. It must have cost a fortune! I didn’t see Leah on the invitation list but that’s probably for the best because you know how careful she is with what she allows her children eat and there is a lot of processed food here.”
How many of us have had a conversation similar to this one? This is a little exaggerated but it is pretty close. After I walked away from the human who just cast her judgment all over my daughter’s birthday party, I promptly removed the fake smile plastered on my face. I immediately looked for a friendly face to have the “CAN YOU BELIEVE?!” conversation with.
More and more often I find that I lack the energy to plaster that smile on my face.
At the risk of offending someone (or everyone), I have committed to respond authentically when one of my “friends” decides to cast their judgment upon my life, my family, and my choices. I am sure that the person is trying to come from a place of caring but how it comes off is that you think you are better than whoever and it is not welcome, or friendly.
Social media has only perpetuated the judgment epidemic.
Now people who I normally would not surround myself with have access to my life. Most of these individuals who do not have the nerve to say things to my face now have the nerve to post their judgment under the beautiful photo of my family.
Here is me putting these people on notice-your judgment is NOT wanted.
I do not appreciate it and I guarantee if I crawled on to your profile I could find 1,000 things to judge you on but I am a decent human so I will refrain and just support whatever choices you are making. If you are reading this and you feel offended, chances are you are the judger.
I am fortunate to have some incredible individuals in my life who offer some great advice and help me make better choices in me and my family’s life. I trust these people, most of the time I pay these professionals, and the most important thing is that I have given my permission for these select individuals to share their knowledge and advise me in order to make my world a better place.
Being my friend does not mean you have permission to judge or advise. Not unless I ask you or give you permission.
You might be saying “well I am only saying this because I love you” or “I just care about you and you are not making healthy choices”, but if either of those were actually true then you would know how to have an authentic conversation from a place of concern rather than posting a passive aggressive comment on my public social media page.
Ironically, most of these judgment trolls are speaking about a topic for which they have little to no subject matter expertise.
Just because you read a book or took one class does not give you the ability to log on to Facebook and tell me all the reasons why I need to change my life. If I post about my favorite family recipe on social media the LAST thing I want to read is your judgment about the ingredients.
If you are really a friend, then put your judgment aside.
Meet me where I am in life and walk beside me for a while. Build our relationship to a point of trust and I will gladly invite your advice or help into my family. If you choose to not invest in this relationship and choose to be negative or cast your judgment then you risk not being a part of my life and not having my support in your life.
Mamas, you are doing a great job, you are incredible and deserve to be supported – not judged.
If you want to eat 4 tablespoons of Nutella after a hard day, drink some wine, and sit on a couch surrounded by unfolded laundry and dirty dishes while wearing a Dawson’s Creek snuggie then you go right ahead and I will raise a glass to you. No judgment here.