I’ve been exhausted for months now.
We moved houses. (Yes! I know…) With prepping for selling the house, then looking for houses, then packing, moving, unpacking, kids, chores, the kids’ numerous activities, working and basically staying alive, I’ve been overwhelmed beyond words. Physically, mentally & emotionally exhausted. My to-do list gets longer by the minute every single day.
I’ve been on a constant march to the beat of life’s drum.
And with the advent of summer and kids being home all day, as much as I look forward to it every year, caring for them that many more hours of the day isn’t really easy.
I love my lists. Making them, ticking them off is a high like no other. And unpacking those moving boxes one at a time, quickly is just the same. But somewhere along these months, I realized I needed to slow down. Or I was going to drive myself into the ground with worry and exhaustion. Many of my personal projects, desires, and goals had to eventually be put on hold.
Don’t judge me for putting myself last. After all, something had to give!
It couldn’t be the house move.
Not the kids, certainly.
Not the cooking, cleaning and daily, weekly upkeep needed to keep a house running.
Not all that’s needed to keep raisingworldchildren.com running.
Not all that had to be done for the new house before we moved in and after.
Letting Go of My To Do List
So, I chose to let go of what I could. Personal goals and desires which I had hoped to have achieved by the end of summer. Which disappointed me a lot initially but slowing the time that I gained gave me the time to rejuvenate and just BE.
I gave up anything I could, like shedding away layers of responsibilities to be lighter. To reach a higher mental state.
It was undeniably hard as I was forced to choose to do what I had to instead of what I wanted to. But I realized I could work in downtime instead of trying to optimize it all.
I carried fiction books with me for kids’ activities instead of my laptop. Sat in the sun thinking of nothing instead of looking at my phone for research. Listened to songs while the kids ran around while doing a summer activity. Slept late when usually I wake up early to work smarter.
In my heart, I know this time is important for me. In which I just sit with the kids instead of planning ahead. When I know I am here and now and not worried about what to do next. I replenish my aching muscles from all the boxes I’ve been lifting around. Learning sketching with my son, gives my brain something novel to do.
It’s not easy. It’s taking me a lot of unlearning.
To divert from the paved road of habit I have created for the past 3 years to write, organize and strive towards better content for the world I have built. I’m a stickler to schedules and to-do list maniac. Having an inherent desire to be constant in my strive for ticking targets I set or myself.
As mothers, we tend to have a number of tabs open in our mind any given time, and each time we accomplish a task, we have the satisfaction of closing that tab.
Slowing down often needs us to sacrifice that desire. I use the word sacrifice because it is something really hard to do. It is devastating, as we are left at first crestfallen as what we see as a failure. In ourselves.
It gets lonely, this walk on the path of letting go. For only we know what our personal goals mean to us.
And once we start walking on it, we slowly get liberated! The sleep, replenishment, and existing in the moment allow us to see ourselves in a brighter light. A little shinier for having given ourselves permission to slow down and absorb what’s going on around us, instead of fixating on what to do next.
So, let go of what you can. Enjoy what you should! Give yourself permission to forget your to-do list, guilt free. It will not be busy, but it will be worth it. You will slowly but surely come back stronger!
What do you think you can let go of?